On the way to the hospital. Labor pains increasing. Our second child was getting ready to make his appearance. I probably had stayed home a little too long, but how did I know that my contractions were going to go from nine to two minutes apart?
We had about a thirty minute drive which Mr. Coppertop was determined to cut in half. It was a cold, sunny November morning and the pain was getting intense. I would stare off and grip the side of the car door as my contractions got harder. I just wanted to be still.
I knew that if I could be still, I could focus on making it through the pain. I could pause, connect, and possibly even enjoy. But instead, I was feeling panicked about making it there in time, possibly crashing, the contractions, and the bumps. Ugh! The bumps!
While I’m so relieved that I don’t have to face the urgency of childbirth every day, sometimes it still feels like life is a series of emergencies. Always rushing from one crisis to the next. Putting out one fire only to turn around and find another. Ever chasing and never resting. A blurred rush of chaos. When all I want is to be still.
Knowing that I’m called to be still.
But who has time to be still? I need to hurry up and quiet the screaming baby before she wakes the others. I need to urge the kids to get their socks and shoes on before we are late. I need to hurry up and create blog content so I can post in the morning. I need to hurry up and make dinner so we can have time to gives baths, and fold the laundry before bed. Hurry. Hurry. Hurry.
I don’t like the constant feeling of urgency. It’s like trying to grasp at the wind. Ever reaching but never attaining, and at the end of a hurried day I just feel empty and exhausted.
I’ve shared that I’m working on being more thankful in my day to day, but what I’m discovering is that it doesn’t work when I am in a hurry. Because being grateful requires me to be still, to stop moving, stop chasing, and stop grasping at a vapor long enough to meditate on my blessings.
No wonder it’s reiterated all through scripture to be still. To be thankful. To praise. God knows our propensity to rush and squander time. He also knows what would bring us the most peaceful and fulfilled life.
He knows what fills our soul and He calls us to it. Be still…Be still…Be still..
The chaos and volume of motherhood will not vanish away, and being still won’t always equal silence. Perhaps, in the noise it is even more important for us to make a conscience effort to be still. To stop the hurried pace. To smell the flowers or look up at the stars. To bend over and kiss their dirty little faces or laugh at their silly jokes…and be thankful.